“When the minds have learn't to mingle, when no thought is wholly one's own, and each has taken too much of the other ever to be entirely himself alone; when one has reached the beginning of seeing with a single eye, loving with a single heart, enjoy"
Being a sensitive and boring topic, I honestly did not expect the post (Lonely Contagion) to receive any comments .. and also expected people to brand me as a mental case...suitable for asylum duty ....but wallah !! looks like I am not the only mental case around ;) . Anyways I have had some interesting observations and questions being raised on this topic of loneliness and how were are dependent on latest technology and gadgets to over come this malady.
There are actually two words which strike a chord on the comments I received about my previous blog.
1. Being Alone - In solitude2. Being Lonely
Both describe the same situation of negative-socialization, but we can fit a Mt.Everest in between their meanings. Basic difference which come to my mind is as follows :
State - When you choose your state of mind - you are alone ; when the circumstance makes you alone you become lonely. One of the fundamental building blocks for personality development is thought control, you choose your thoughts which in turn decide your actions and which in turn decides your response to situations. Being alone is a choice we make to collect our thoughts, ponder over issues and seek answers ; in short we are recharging the batteries of our mind - here were are in perfect control of ourself. On the contrary being lonely is more or less imposed on us. We are craving for company and freedom from the shackles of our everyday life and just waiting to explode and explore our innermost feelings and emotions - but for some reason we are unable to do so. We knowingly or unwittingly negate the opportunity to socialize, the reason could be anything - notice the difference ?? Our personal situation is controlling our thoughts and lives.
Comfort - When you choose to be alone you are comfortable with the idea of being alone - ever had those moments when you just want to be with yourself, doing nothing and just stare into emptiness ?? Think of the moments when you are upset and just want to be left alone - ring a bell ?? You are comfortable being you.
But being lonely is somewhat discomforting and it bothers you - you are surrounded by simulation of the TV, the internet, music, food and drinks - but still you are just not enjoying it and there is missing jigsaw puzzle in your head without which the balance of mind is not complete. Ever had those moments ? I am sure everybody does at one point or the other.
Polarity - Being alone is positive because you are in control and in a process of rejuvenating your mind and soul. No wonder the monks who have chosen a life of solitude have attained such depth in their thoughts. Being lonely is a negative emotion - the sooner you get rid of it the better.
Process - More often we wish to be alone when there is a difference between expectation and outcomes - so the process starts on the negative curve and then slowly we travel up to the curve to regain our usual composure. Whereas being lonely usually starts from the top - we are in an hyper state where we usually in a state of trance ... and that wears off to reveal the fallacy in our thoughts.
So you see though on the outside it seems the same there is indeed difference between being alone and being lonely. But I would say too much of being alone is also not good and has to be done only till the recharge is complete - time to be yourself again.
Again the essence of any knowledge and growth is to take control of your thoughts and hence your life - as long as you are in control of your emotions the situation is in control - the moment you start listening to your emotions - a roller coster ride awaits.
You can never control situations! You can only control how you respond to situations!!
ReplyDeleteHi Shilpa .. like you said, we can never control the situation nor actions of others - all we can do is to control our thoughts for action and respond appropriately. We should endeavour to "Respond" rather than "React". The moment we are aware of our thoughts and control it - life seems to be in your grasp.
ReplyDeletewhy too much of being alone is also not good?
ReplyDeleteBeing alone is sucha beautiful thing,only when ur alone you can experience life 100%,no need to control our thoughts for the external world bcoz not one person in this world will happen exactly the way you want him/her to happen-not your parents,wife,friends,children-nobody.
not even your dog will be exactly the way you want him to be,he will do something else.so wen this is the reality atleast this one person,'You',must happen the way you want yourself to be,then life seems to be in your grasp and not when you control your thoughts.
Now you are scaring me lavi ... you seem to be more inclined to take "Sanyasam" ;P. I call your idea very escapist, just becoz people are not like the way you want them - you want to be alone !! Then you are not strong enough to handle the truth .. that you dont have control over others .. and prefer dealing with yourself alone .. the essence of life and growth is to deal with differences and do with elan so you make the world around you more beautiful. If you want to be alone, then its better u say good bye to ur family and go to the himalayas for taking sanyasam. That way nothing will bother u.... :) wat say ??
ReplyDeleteBulbgod lol.leaving the family and going to himalayas doesnt mean that your alone,i say you can experience life in a better way when you stop thinking too much of the external world.you can stay alone even by closing your eyes for few mins,you need not go to himalayas for that:p, all that you have to do is make more and more of you conscious,if you strive to make this whole thing absolutely conscious,then your piece of life will happen 100% the way you want it elz there's no 'you'there.
ReplyDeleteu knw vips, A woman had lost her speech in an accident and she became a obsessive blogger. She can't voice out herself in any other way. She refused to learn sign language and hence communicated with her husband through post-its. Sometime technology helps us to cope with all the craziness of life. And yeah I did read once that Lonliness is the best feeling cause when lonely you are in touch with your true self! Btw a gud post as usual! :)
ReplyDeleteI couldnt agree with you more sangeetha.. I tend to be lost in my thoughts, pondering, questioning the possibilities, the limits within me ... and without these moments with self ... i would be a less of a man than i am now. And thanks to technology in those quiet moments, i find answers to my questions - thanks to the experiences of others.
ReplyDelete