Calvin Quotes

Well what can be said about the wise cracks from this 6 year old wiz kid. Completely out of this world observations and I couldnt agree with it more.....

Here is a compilation of some my favourite Calvin Quotes and Quips ... enjoy !!

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I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification

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Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

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Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

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Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character

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When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

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Reality continues to ruin my life.

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Its no use! Everybody gets good enemies except me.

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This one's tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen ...

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I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information

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If it was completely different, school would be great.

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My time is valuable. I can't go on thinking about one subject for minutes on end. I'm a busy man.

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If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.

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Childhood is short, maturity is forever.

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I wanted to be a neo-deconstructivist but Mom wouldn't let me

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That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

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It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.

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I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.

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To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.

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So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?

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In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

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You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.

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As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.

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This one's tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen ...

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I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life ... Procrastinating and rationalizing.

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I have a hammer! I can put things together! I can knock things apart! I can alter my environment at will and make an incredible din all the while! Ah, it's great to be male!

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I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.

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Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?

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As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.

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True friends are hard to come by ... I need more money.

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There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.

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(During a test) A gas mask, a smoke grenade, and a helicopter, thats all I ask.

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There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.

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I think the surest sign that there is intelligent life out there in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

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What state do you live in? - Denial.

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It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.

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Pretty convenient how every time I build character, [Dad] saves a couple hundred dollars.

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I've been visualizing the conceptualization process. That's the hard part.

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Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test.

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I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.

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Now, a lifetime of experience has left me bitter and cynical.

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I say, when life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and add some lemons of your own!

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People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

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Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.

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Hobbes : Do you think there's a God?
Calvin : Well somebody's out to get me!

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The world isn't fair, Calvin.
I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favour?

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These are interesting times. We don't trust the government, we don't trust the legal system, we don't trust the media, and we don't trust each other! We've undermined all authority, and with it, the basis for replacing it! It's like a six-year-old's dream come true!

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I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in and overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak.

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Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles.

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The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little pratice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!

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Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN!

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Susie if you want to see your doll again, leave $100 in this envelope by the tree out front. Do not call the police you CANNOT trace us, you CANNOT find us. Sincerely, Calvin

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I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a crual trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it.

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Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer conglomerates. Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? It's a beautiful world all right.

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Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius.
Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you?
Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius.

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I'm looking for something that can deliver a 50-pound payload of snow on a small feminine target. Can you suggest something? Hello...?

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Hobbes : It says here that by the age of 6, most children have seen a million muders on television.
Calvin : I find that very disturbing...it means I've been watching all the wrong channels.

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Calvin: You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes: What mood is that?
Calvin: Last-minute panic.

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Calvin: I'm a simple man, Hobbes.
Hobbes: You?? Yesterday you wanted a nuclear powered car that could turn into a jet with laser-guided heat-seeking missiles!
Calvin: I'm a simple man with complex tastes.

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Calvin: See Any UFOs?
Hobbes: Not yet.
Calvin: Well, keep your eyes open, they're bound to land here sometime.
Hobbes: What will we do when they come?
Calvin: See if we can sell mom and dad into slavery for a star cruiser

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Calvin: I'm not going to so my maths homework. Look at these unsolved problems. Here's a number in mortal combat with another. One of them is going to get subtracted. But why? What will be left of him? If I answered these, it would kill the suspense. It would resolve the conflict and turn intriguing possibilities into boring old facts.
Hobbes: I never really thought about the literary possibilities of maths.
Calvin: I prefer to savour the mystery.

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Dear Santa. Why is your operation located at the North Pole? I'm guessing cheap elf labour, lower environmental standards, and tax breaks. Is this really the example you want to set for us impressionable kids? ...My plan is to put him on the defensive before he considers how good I've been.

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Calvin: Dad, I'd like to have a little talk.
Calvin's Dad: Um...ok.
Calvin: As the wage earner here, its your responsibility to show some consumer confidence and start buying things that will get the economy going and create profits and employment. Here's a list of some big-ticket items I'd like for Christmas. I hope I can trust you to do whats right for our country.
Calvin's Dad: I've got to stop leaving the Wall Street Journal around.

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Calvin: Too bad the world will be ending soon.
Calvin's Dad: Beg your pardon?
Calvin: Halley's Comet. Comets are harbingers of doom.
Calvin's Dad: No they arent, thats just superstition.
Calvin: Really? Guess I'd better write that book report.

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Concept of winter :

Since September it's just gotten colder and colder. There's less daylight now, I've noticed too. This can only mean one thing - the sun is going out. In a few more months the Earth will be a dark and lifeless ball of ice. Dad says the sun isnt going out. He says its colder because the earth's orbit is taking us farther from the sun. He says winter will be here soon.
Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?

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This article says that many people find christmas the most stressful time of year.
Calvin: I believe it. This season sure fills *me* with stress.
Really? How come?
Calvin: I *hate* being good...

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I think life should be more like tv. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?

So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection.

In my opinion, television validates existence.

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